Most people try to answer the question “What’s the meaning of life?” with a single target. "It's good relationships." or "It is having enough money to buy free time". And that usually leads to people investing too much time chasing the wrong thing and neglecting other important areas of life. But it's rarely one single thing:
- Success
- Money
- Family
- Happiness
- Relationships
Chasing any single goal from this list doesn’t hold up over time. It will not make you happy in the long run.
Where you are in life also plays a role. What feels meaningful at 25 is not what feels meaningful at 50. What feels important to a single person might not be as important to a person with a family. And what people say on their deathbed often sounds irrelevant to someone in their 20s.
So either:
- meaning is arbitrary,
or - we’re asking the wrong question.
Of course, from a purely biological point of view, we are an organism that wants to survive and it's genes to be passed further. But I think you're not reading this because you don't know this. You are reading this, because you are the only organism with a brain that can think abstract thoughts, imagine the future, realise what's lost or what could have been.
And you want to make sure there won't be many could-have-beens in your life.
The Core Mistake: Confusing Feelings with Structure
There are two layers people mix up:
- What feels meaningful right now (this changes constantly)
- What holds up across a full life (this changes much less)
Your priorities shift because:
- your biology changes
- your time horizon shrinks
- your experience increases
- your circumstances change
That doesn’t mean meaning itself is random. It means your weighting changes (how much weight does a certain goal have at any given time), not the underlying structure.
A Better Model: Meaning of life as a Portfolio
Instead of chasing one “meaning,” think in terms of your time and effort you allocate across:
1. Control (Wealth + Autonomy)
Money matters - not for status, but to have more options in life.
- It buys safety
- It buys flexibility
- It lets you say “no”
But don’t confuse it:
Wealth ≠ time
Wealth = potential time
If you don’t build autonomy, you can end up rich and still trapped. Which is where most of wealth chasing people end up. Rich and not happy.
2. Connection (Relationships)
People say relationships matter. They’re right, but often for the wrong reasons.
It’s not about:
- fun
- low friction
- good times and friends laughing at your jokes
What matters long-term is:
Who shows up when things go wrong? Do I feel fulfilled by these relationships?
Real relationships are:
- costly (If you don't invest your time and energy, you can't expect the same thing back from others)
- sometimes uncomfortable (They should challenge you to some extent. If they don't, they could be pulling you back. And even the best friends will be difficult sometimes, it's part of being human.)
- built over time (Anything good requires time, even relationships)
3. Contribution (Giving Back)
Many people treat this as a “later” goal:
First I earn, then I live, then I give back.
That’s a mistake.
If you delay contribution, you delay the meaning it gives you.
Contribution doesn’t have to be charity. It can be:
- building something useful
- helping others through your work
- creating value beyond yourself
- contributing to your community or closer circle
4. Clarity (Alone Time)
Being alone is useful - more for some than others, but alone time recharges most of us. But it isn’t just about rest.
There are two types:
- Passive alone time → recovery
- Active alone time → thinking, reflecting, adjusting direction, planning
Most people have too much of the first and avoid the second.
But that’s where you catch yourself heading down the wrong trajectory, rethink priorities and course-correct. Or you spot new possibilities, come up with new ideas - but you have to actively engage this way of thinking first.
Passively watching the TV is fine for recovery, but it probably won't lead to any new big ideas or changes in your life.
5. Capability (Health)
This is the one people forget, until it’s too late. You can only focus on the first 4 goals if your health is good. Neglect your health and it will soo be the only thing you wish you had and will spend time or money on.
Without health:
- building wealth becomes limited
- relationships become harder
- freedom disappears
Health isn’t just about “not being sick.” It’s:
- having energy to overcome obstacles, think clearly, lead, create
- resilience and toughness
- physical and mental capacity
The Key Insight
These goals don’t really change over time. You feel good having control, connection, contribution, clarity and capability in your life whether you're 10, 25 or 65 years old.
Their form changes (control or capability to a 10-year-old is perhaps riding a bike confidently, to a 25-year-old it's having a good income and physical strength and to a 80-year-old control might not play such a role but capability - strength and health even more so), but not the fact you feel good having them.
What also changes is how much you prioritize each of them.
- At 25 → more focus on growth and experience
- At 50 → more focus on stability and relationships
- At 80 → mostly relationships and reflection
So:
The meaning of life isn’t fixed.
But it’s not random either.
Finding the meaning of life isn't getting to a certain point or realisation. It's a dynamic allocation problem. It is also a set of constantly moving goal posts - you will never reach all of them 100%.
The Discipline Trap
A lot of people try to solve life with discipline. That works to a point.
Discipline helps you:
- train
- work
- stay consistent
But it has a failure mode:
You become good at pushing…
even when you’re pushing in the wrong direction.
So discipline needs a counterbalance:
- reflection
- adjustment
- recovery
Otherwise you end up productive and stable, but potentially off-course.
The Real Question
Forget “What is the meaning of life?”
Ask instead:
- What am I over-optimizing right now?
- What am I neglecting that future-me will care about?
Because most regrets come from imbalance:
- too much work, not enough relationships
- too much comfort, not enough growth
- too much discipline, not enough reflection
- too many relationships and the needs of others, not enough time for yourself
The meaning of life isn’t a single goal.
It’s a system:
- Build enough control to have options
- Invest in relationships that hold under stress
- Contribute to something beyond yourself
- Create space to think
- Protect your health
And then:
Keep adjusting the balance as reality changes.
That’s as close as you get to a durable answer to "What is the meaning of life?".
One Final Thought
You can't eliminate suffering from your life by finding out the meaning of life or achieving all your goals.
You choose what suffering you allow into your life:
- Discipline → effort, consistency → very hard to maintain consistently over long period of time
- Relationships → compromise, responsibility → can be very rewarding, but also exhausting and it takes effort, nerves and knowing yourself to separate the good ones from the bad ones
- Growth → uncertainty → requires discipline, motivation even if things don't go your way, drive to learn new things, try and fail
- Freedom → risk → it can lead you down the wrong path, or be great in the early stages, but come bite you in the ass later in life (living carelessly and freely when you're young is easier - but if you don't build any wealth soon, you might not be able to afford medicine, or have much to provide to others who matter to you)
So the practical question becomes:
What kind of problems do I want to have / do I choose to have?